Secret Agent Contest Opens Monday

Submissions for the next Secret Agent contest will open at 12:00 NOON EDT Monday, November 2. You send in the first 250 words of your completed manuscript, which are posted anonymously - an agent reads and comments, and asks for partials of the top entries. And you may just end up with an agent.

This month's contest will include the following genres:
* Women's fiction (including romance)
* Mysteries and thrillers/suspense
* Fantasy
* Young Adult

Note: This contest will likely fill up quickly, so you need to have your entry ready to go at 11.59 am, with your fingers poised over the Send button. Or you can have a friend send it in for you - perfectly legal.

 Here, lifted from SA's website, are guidelines:
* Early submissions WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED.
* Submissions are for those with COMPLETED MANUSCRIPTS. If you wouldn't want an agent to read the entire thing, DON'T SEND IT. If an "entire thing" doesn't exist, you shouldn't even be reading these rules.
* Only ONE ENTRY per person per contest. If you send more than one, your subsequent entry(ies) will be deleted.
* Submissions are for THE FIRST 250 WORDS of your manuscript. Please do not stop in the middle of a
*List your name (which isn't published), title, and genre - and no, those don't count in your word count), then the excerpt. No "chapter one," chapter titles, etc. You will receive a confirmation email with your post number.
* Submissions go to facelesswords(at)gmail.com.

Good luck.

Note: These contests close when 50 submissions are received, or in 24 hours, whichever comes first. This one closed in about 5 minutes, about what I expected (YA and fantasy are very popular categories). The entries will start posting soon  - wander by and read them and offer feedback. And yep, I talked another friend into entering.

Adoptable Pets of the Week: Texaco and Sky

I so love cattle dogs that I'm doing my best to help some find homes by posting listings from Petfinder.com. You'll never know a more loyal, dedicated friend. (If you live elsewhere or if you want to find a cheaper adoption option) just type your ZIP code into Petfinder for pets in your area.)

SKY: 12-week-old male heeler mix, black with spots. (Adoption fee covers neutering.) Hi! I have one beautiful sky blue eye! I'm very sweet and love to play. I enjoy playing with everybody, even kids and cats! I love to play with toys too! This pet will be available for adoption on Friday, October 30, at the SPCA of Upstate New York in Queensbury, New York. Shelter open 11-5 Tuesdays, 11-7 Wednesdays and Fridays - (518) 798-3500 - or stop by Petsmart adoption clinic in Wilton Saturdays 9-5.

TEXACO: Texaco is a 2-year-old male purebred Australian cattle dog (blue heeler) rescued as a stray in rural Tennessee. This dog is friendly and well-socialized with a high activity level. Loves to run and play outside, but settles down quickly in the house. Likes to go for walks, loves to be with people, enjoys being petted and brushed. Great with kids and other dogs, but will chase cats. Recommended for children 6 years and older. Good on a leash, rides great in the car. Has completed obedience training and knows basic commands. Housebroken and crate-trained. No issues such as separation anxiety, counter surfing or barking. Weighs about 40 pounds, healthy, altered and up-to-date on shots.

Visit Good Dog Rescue or email info@gooddogrescue.com. Note: This group is based near Hartford, Connecticut (with a hefty adoption fee) - and I doubt this dog is a purebred ACD, not that it matters.

If You Want a Steadfast, Devoted (Very Very Smart) Companion ...

No, this isn't a personal ad.

If you've read much of this blog, you know I have an Australian cattle dog and half-custody of an ACD/Australian shepherd mix. These dogs are incredibly smart and devotedly loyal. They were bred as working dogs (a mix that includes dingo and dalmatian) and must find a task to do. Bridget guards me (she is seldom more than a foot from me) and collects shoes, darting out to grab them and line her crate or the underside of my desk with them. She also swims incessantly, and chases and bites bubbles while doing so. Lucy is a trifle on the moody side (she is, in essence, me in a fur coat) and will chase her ball on a rope until nearly passing out from heat stroke, something my brother found out to his dismay while dogsitting.

Adopted adult ACDs will need some coaxing to work through their fears and reattach to a new owner, but if you do it (as my brother did, with Bridget's mom) you will have a devoted friend for life. Note: as they are herding dogs, usually not the best with small children, who do not react well to being herded.

These dogs are in California, and I stumbled across them through something I usually hate, a Facebook ap - but anything that helps abandoned dogs find homes, I'll cooperate. (My friend Cynthia helped a dog find a home - with her sister!)

Here's Mango, a deaf ACD, in Grass Valley, California, looking for a home:

Mango is a deaf Australian Cattle Dog/Australian Shepherd neutered male. He weighs 35 pounds and is about 2 years old. He is good with dogs and cats. No small kids. Good house manners.

He is truly a treat and very mellow for his breed. He loves people, likes to play, is loyal, sweet and very smart. He has no desire to chase things, or explore. He does insist on being with his person so he needs someone who can take him along most of the time. He is very protective of his person.

Being deaf does not slow Mango down. He knows some sign language and herds. He needs a home where the people are experienced with Australian Cattle Dogs and wants a dog that is devoted to them.

If you are interested in meeting Mango, please contact Darryl at mechimorph@att.net or Lori at ajack50@sbcglobal.net.

And here's Ruby, who's being fostered in Santa Rosa, California:

Ruby is a 6 1/2 year red/chocolate liver (a very unusual color), spayed female Australian Cattle Dog. NO CHILDREN and ONE PERSON DOG. Her owner died and she was brought to rescue with another 15-year-old ACD (being kept by the foster due to his age).  She was raised with him, and apparently went to the dog park as a puppy. She seems to be threatened and afraid of other dogs, though if they are not alpha or aggressive towards her, she seems to cope. Ruby is a one-person dog. Ruby is housebroken, good with livestock, okay with cats, and not good with children.  She has had some extraordinary obedience training in her past and with a little tune-up she would be amazing in that regard.  She will do a 'down, stay' with her bowl of food in front of her until you release her to eat.


Ruby is also a fetching maniac, and will fetch until she drops.  She loves to go for car rides, and can be very protective of her vehicle. She is, however, very fearful of new people while in her own surroundings. 

Both dogs are offered through North Bay Canine Rescue & Placement in Petaluma, California, info@northbaycanine.org. (Notice that I have cleverly featured dogs that are so far away I cannot be tempted to adopt them, as, well, four dogs are a few too many, and I already have 1 1/2 ACDs.)

You can also search Petfinder.com for Australian cattle dog/blue heeler in your area, for an amazing friend and companion for life. But if you're half-hearted about owning a dog and not willing to invest the time and emotional energy necessary to help an adult dog adjust to a new home, don't consider it, as abandonment is very hard on this breed in particular.

I'm on a Roll Here

Last week before I left for Bouchercon I entered two contests. I'm a sucker for contests, as long as they're easy to enter and don't require me making a video or telling you what fictional character I see myself as. In short, contests that require very little effort. Because I love free stuff, especially free books.

And I won both of them. One for an Impulse Prize, which are "the type of things you buy on an impulse when you go into a boutique or grocery store." My entry basically said if May I enter even if I have never bought anything on impulse in a grocery store or boutique - and have never actually been in a boutique?

Apparently, yes, 'cause I won, and I'll soon learn just what people buy on impulse in a grocery store or boutique.

The other prize is a signed copy of Donald Maass' WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL, which I hope like hell arrives soon, as I'm turning my novel in to my publisher within a week or two, and I'd hate to miss the chance to turn it into a breakout novel.

And, yes, I know - if I actually write a breakout novel, I'll have to stop entering contests (at least under my real name) as it looks pretty cheesy.

I Love Indianapolis - at Least What I Saw

When you leave the airport a friendly security guard directs you to your bus, with a cheerful driver who takes you to your hotel for a $7 charge, a lovely contrast to the reported $35 taxi fee.

Panera's across the street from your hotel has free wi-fi and decent food.

The Hyatt personnel are pleasant and complimentary - expressing surprise that the writers, while somewhat loud in their recounting of stories and bar-hanging-out - are all so nice and not any trouble (apparently some nonwriting conventions are quite rowdy and problematic).

And the personnel at the airport are friendly, you can buy a giant burrito At Qdoba for a reasonable price, and there's free wi-fi (do you see a theme here?).

It doesn't take a whole lot to make me happy, and food and free wi-fi are high on the list.

No, I don't do any sightseeing while at conferences - I'm there for the panels, and the people, and the parties, and any spare time I have is spent napping.

What I Learned at Bouchercon 2009

Things I recently learned at the 2009 Bouchercon mystery convention (the ones that are fit to print):

A good panel moderator is worth his or her weight in gold - these include Reed Farrel Coleman and William Kent Krueger.

Indianapolis is flat. 

No one should never try to moderate Harlan Coben and Gary Phillips. Just let 'em run. We love it.

You can sell your friend Persia Walker's books at a book bazaar by smiling and holding a copy up so the crowd can see it. Other books you can sell simply by saying the word "CIA."

Charlaine Harris is a delightfully entertaining speaker.

Janet Reid has a steel-trap mind.

Mystery and crime fans are touchingly delighted to share your breakfast table and talk with "real authors."

As Michael Robotham says, the best panelists and speakers don't try to sell themselves or their books - they just entertain you.

Panera's has free wi-fi - unlike the rather expensive hotel. And very good salads (with a bit too much dressing).

Many people still think I am Sarah Weinman.

When planning book bazaars, one must take into account the approximate girth of book buyers when calculating table placement.

Stuart Neville has the most charming Irish brogue I've ever heard, particularly infectious when one is standing four inches from him.

And, finally, you can be in a state of increasing misery at a loud and crowded party and wondering how long you must stay so the friend you came with will consider you gave it a good try - and then two delightful and charming stars of the crime writing world sit at your table and your heretofore miserable evening magically transforms into a perfectly wonderful one that you will never forget.

And your friend is far too polite to say "I told you so."

What's Wrong with Most Query Letters

Most of them are awful.

They are turgid and rambling, overwritten, overstuffed, and self-conscious. Most of the ones I've seen look as if the writers don't want to succeed, that they set out to write the worst possible introduction to themselves and their books. But I know that's not the case. It's your inner evil zebra (read Garth Stein's THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN), coercing you to self destruct.

It's not that hard, guys.

What can be difficult is distilling your book description down into one paragraph - because that's really what you need. You need a hook, something that catches an agent's attention. Brainstorming with a friend can help immensely, because you're so close to your own manuscript you may not even recognize your own hook or the book's essence - plus you're going to want to cram in details that aren't really essential. Yes, they make your book better, but they don't necessarily make your query better.

The rest of the letter is simple - Nathan Bransford outlines it succinctly and offers details and samples. Janet Reid, aka Query Shark, does a wonderful job of pointing out what's wrong with queries - I'd advise reading through most of these. And for fun, check out The Rejectionist as well.

Here's my basic outline:

First paragraph: Why you're contacting this particular agent.

Second paragraph: A brief description of your book - one that captures its essence. You probably don't need character's names or where they live, unless relevant to the story. You can stretch this to two paragraphs, but less is almost always more. Agents read a lot. They're tired. Entice them, don't browbeat them. I described my entire book in three sentences, the first of which was A childless woman living in a small Adirondack town dives into icy Lake Champlain to rescue a young French-speaking boy. And trust me, every word in that sentence is there for a reason.

Third paragraph: Your writing or publishing credentials, if any, or your particular expertise in writing this book. Keep it brief, and skip this if you have done. Never say This is my first novel or I have no writing experience. Here I also mentioned that I'd lived and worked in the towns my novel is set in.

Fourth paragraph: A brief thank you. Never say I will be eagerly looking forward to your reply. Just don't. I favor a simple Thank you for your time.

And paste in the first few pages of your manuscript, even if not asked for. (Never, ever attach anything to an email or ask an agent to click a link to your blog, although you can include your URL in your signature line.)

I had the very good fortune of having some complimentary comments from Famous Author and Well-known Editor (the payoff from attending a writers conference) and quoted them near the top. And every agent who responded - except Molly Friedrich, who sent a polite letter of disinterest after I'd signed - asked for a partial or full (I cut the hunt off after three weeks).

When you're done, print it out and edit it (you'll find mistakes and poor phrasing on paper that you won't catch on screen). Then read it aloud. Edit again. If you know someone good at query letters, ask that person to critique it. Email it to yourself to make sure the formatting works. Imagine it in an inbox with hundreds of other queries and a bleary-eyed, overworked, frustrated agent. (See why I advise brevity?) Is it professional, engaging, friendly, clear, and succinct? Does it make you eager to read more?

Now and only now are you ready to send it.

And Today I'm off to Bouchercon

I'll be at Bouchercon in Indianapolis, today through Oct. 18.

Hope to see you there.

I Kind of Like the Sound of This

Here's how my upcoming novel (Shaye Areheart Books, September 2010) is described in the Frankfurt Rights Guide: Briskly paced, rich in the details of small-town life, and easily traversing the cultural terrain of New York's North Country and French Canada, LEARNING TO SWIM is a haunting debut and the first in a two-book deal featuring the same enterprising heroine.

I like it!

How a Contest Entry Can Win You an Agent

Over at Miss Snark's First Victim, writer Steph Bowe, agent Ginger Clark, and I answer questions about Steph, her novel, and how she came to enter a certain Secret Agent contest and then be signed by said Secret Agent.

This month's contest is for adult fiction (excluding science fiction/fantasy and erotica), and a new Secret Agent contest is run monthly (except December and June) in different genres. It's a great opportunity to get valuable feed back - and you may end up with an agent. Cool, eh?

"Should I Finish Writing This Book?"

Two writers recently asked me if I thought they should continue working on their current manuscripts. Writer A asked Do you truly believe that my novel, once rewritten and polished has the potential to be published?

The short answer is I have no idea. But I told her

If your primary goal is publication, you're screwed. If you have a story you need to tell or love to write, then you have a chance. Neither you nor I can predict if your book will get published, but that cannot be your primary motivation. You need to write your book because you need to write your book.

Then I quoted Steph Bowe, who says You have to write, and write a lot, and you have to be willing to improve. Instead of watching TV or getting on MySpace, write. Make it part of your daily routine. Stick to one story. Stop planning it in your head and sit down and just write. Don’t censor yourself or edit mentally - save that for after. Just write.

Writer B is trying to decipher an agent's reaction to a partial and decide if she should rewrite or start a new manuscript.

You can drive yourself crazy trying to parse feedback from agents or editors - sometimes It just didn't grab me means just that. Maybe the characters weren't rich enough or the scenes realistic enough or the plot intriguing enough - or maybe it just wasn't that person's cup of tea. A.S. King was turned down by something like 90 agents before finding one and selling her absolutely wonderful you-must-buy-it novel DUST OF 100 DOGS.

Some people say your first manuscript should be ditched and that you won't write a decent book until at least your third. But if you have a workable plot and characters and story - why not expend all that writing energy on improving the manuscript you've written? Of course it's more fun to start a new one, but if you didn't learn how to make the first one publishable, how are you going to know how to do it for the next one? Osmosis? Manuscripts don't roll off your fingertips ready to publish - you have to work at them. If this were easy, everyone you know would be doing it.

Michael Chabon, after a successful first novel, spent five years working on Fountain City, a novel he finally ditched (and then, in seven months wrote Wonder Boys, somewhat based on his five-year struggle with the other novel). But he later said

... you can feel completely despairing and hopeless and in over your head and lost and incompetent in the course of writing a book, but that doesn't mean all those things are true. You can fight your way through those periods to a new appreciation of what you're doing and to a firmer grip on the material. If I had known that with Fountain City, I might have fought just a little longer to try to pull it together.

Almost always, you will get sick of your manuscript. Michael Robotham says It's like sleeping in a two-man tent with your best friend for a year. And it doesn't matter how good a friend they are, you're just so sick of them by the end of that process...

Rewriting is where I truly learned to write.

The middle of my first novel was so bad any sensible person would have dropped it like a hot potato. But I loved the characters. I loved the beginning and the denouement, and many scenes throughout. I honestly didn't know if the middle was fixable, but last July, in a cold Australian flat recovering from foot surgery (in what was supposed to be an exciting five-week houseswapping adventure - before I broke my foot shortly before departure), I realized I had to finish this manuscript even if it was never going to be publishable.

During those weeks I untangled much of it - a painful process - and early this year spent an intense three months rewriting again. And then, well, got an agent and sold it. Sort of that fast, which was rather startling.

If your characters are unlikeable and your plot impossible (here I have to ask Then why did you start it in the first place?), then by all means abandon your book. I've seen second novels that garnered hefty advances that I heartily wish the writers had abandoned - or that someone had dared say to the author, Um, I don't think anyone is going to like this book.

But if you have a story you want to tell - tell it. Don't think about publication. Don't let yourself think it's impossible. Don't tell yourself you don't have the skill to do it.

Just write.

Ah. Weekend Tourists

Forgot this was a holiday weekend. Forgot that surrounding areas apparently do not have trees, or leaves on their trees that change color. Forgot that just about everyone with a car from New York, Connecticutt, and Massachusetts apparently feels compelled to descend on my tiny Vermont village this weekend.

I hope they enjoy it. I hope they pump lots of money into the local economy. But I do wish they would realize that some of us actually live here and have things to do and places to go, and that walking in front of our cars and stopping on a narrow road to take photos of the pretty leaves are not quite the wisest things to do.

This is not Disneyland.

So Where's My Cake?

When these young writers got a book deal and signed with an agent, they got cakes baked for them.



I got an agent and a book deal earlier this year - but no virtual cake! Hrrmmph.

Get Your Secret Agent Submission Ready

You've been dying for the chance to get an agent to read part of your manuscript? Here's your chance. At noon EDT Monday, Oct. 12, submissions for novel first pages will open at the Secret Agent Contest at the Miss Snark's First Victim blog.

Submit the first 250 words of your completed adult fiction (excluding sci-fi, fantasy and erotica), preceded by your name and book title and genre to facelesswords (at) gmail.com. No entry fee  - all you do is comment on at least five entries.

Immensely valuable tip: Have your email ready to go and hit the Send button the moment your computer clock shifts to noon EDT. If you cannot be at your computer at noon, get a friend to send it for you (perfectly legal). Last month the contest filled up in, ulp, about one minute. And don't exceed 250 words - and no, the title and genre don't count (you really need to read all the rules over at the site).

The first 50 or so entries are posted anonymously on the website, and the unnamed agent (don't worry; you'll know who he or she is by the end of the contest) comments on all of them - as do blog readers, so you get a range of critiques. And the winners are asked to send partials or fulls to the agent.

And, yes, miracles do happen and sometimes the Secret Agent signs one of the writers. It happened just last month.

For Chance to Win Quinn Cumming's NOTES FROM THE UNDERWIRE

Just go to A Book in Hand and leave a comment. Contest ends at noon Pacific time this Sunday, Oct. 11

NOTES FROM THE UNDERWIRE is an absolutely stupendous book - funny, sad, heartwarming, and a bunch of other adjectives, all rolled up in one. If you don't win it, go out and buy one - it's less than the price of a crappy movie in many places, and you'll feel better afterward.

And if you're stone-cold broke and cannot buy it, put it on your wish list and hie over to Quinn's blog, The QC Report, and read away, free of charge.

Dear FTC: I did receive one free review copy of this book back in July, but I have since bought three others for gifts and will buy many more. And, oh yeah, Quinn took me to brunch once, but that brunch in no way influenced my love of or promotion of her work.

Let's Take Writer Cat Connor's Videos Viral

My pal, New Zealand crime thriller writer Cat Connor, has filmed book trailer video clips for her two Ellie Conway novels, KILLERBYTE and TERRORBYTE (to be released Nov. 10). And Karen Schindler over at Miscellaneous Yammerings is mounting a campaign to help Cat's videos go viral. She's trying to get them to 500 views each as quickly as possible. So watch away! (And, oh yeah, you could buy KILLERBYTE while you're at it on Mobipocket, iTunes, or Kindle.)





Dear FTC: No payment of any kind was received for this marketing. Although at some point Cat may make me one of her famous cheesecakes or something else wonderful.

A Perfect Writer's Birthday

First, get surprised in the wee hours of the morning by SO, who drove through the night to get here for your birthday, when you thought he wasn't going to be able to make it. In the morning, go to the local library's book sale and pick up a nice collection of used books. Meet dear friends Jamie and Leesha Ford for lunch, here from Montana for the Brattleboro Literary Festival, then listen to Jamie's wonderful presentation and swell with authorly pride when you see his book HOTEL ON THE CORNER OF BITTER AND SWEET sell out at the signing afterward, where you get him to sign your multiple copies. Then hear the delightful David Ebershoff talk and read from his THE 19TH WIFE, followed by Tom Perrotta, whose reading from THE ABSTINENCE TEACHER has everyone laughing so hard that the church pews you are sitting on are rocking. And afterward buy a copy of Tom's book and have him sign it (and regretfully put David's book back down when you realize that the text in this paperback edition is so small you'd have to use a magnifier to read it). And then meet Jamie and Leesha at Bongo Java for coffee and talk and laugh until they must leave for an author dinner. And on the way home squeeze in a stop at Staples for some extra reams of printer paper on sale (because you use a lot of paper), and home for dinner and present opening.

A lovely, lovely birthday.

And if you'd like to hear Jamie's presentation and have him sign your book, check out his current tour schedule - chances are very good he'll be near you in the next month or two.

I Love the Smell of WD-40

Because it reminds me of my father.

He let me tag around after him and showed me how he did things, whether fixing a lock, showing me how to manipulate the tumblers with a paper clip, or patching a tire back when you actually had to light a match to heat something - and let me light my first match.

When I was 3, it was he who rushed me to the doctor for the emergency appendectomy and sat at my bedside the week I was in the hospital, telling me to bite down on his finger when I cried at the shots I got, and my teeth left tiny indentions in his finger.

He taught me how to read, showing me how to sound out the letters in the words in GO DOG GO and ARE YOU MY MOTHER? At age 7 or 8 I'd cook breakfast for the two of us on weekends, sometimes eggs and sometimes toasted cheese sandwiches that he showed me how to slide peanut butter in the middle of when they were almost done. I'd help him prepare the preprinted postcard reminders for his stamp club, stamping them with the inked stamper set to the right date and affix the postage, arranging them in neat rows on the dining room table.

In fifth-grade gym class we had to stand in lines and toss a basketball at the hoop and one day it miraculously went in and I came home and told my father. And from somewhere he got an old telephone pole and installed it in our back yard and attached a basketball backboard, and at age 10 I was out there every day after school learning to dribble and shoot, and never ceasing to thrill at the sound of the ball zinging through the basket.

He was a nuclear physicist but taught me how to knit, a skill he'd learned during a long childhood illness. The summer I was 11 he taught me how to roof, how to lay tar paper and snap a crisp chalk line and line up the shingles and hammer them in, blam blam and his roofing nails were in with two hits of the hammer while I tap-tapped away at mine.

At 12 I'd grown a bean plant in science class, and he borrowed a roto-tiller and tilled a patch in the back yard, and thereafter I had my own garden, growing beans and tomatoes and radishes and okra.

For my 13th birthday he gave me a tool box, stocked with off-brand wrenches and screwdrivers and a socket set I still own, and later a fully stocked sewing box. Which I also still have, and still use.

When I took up bicycle racing at 16, the first in the family to do any sport, he became an honorary member of my bike club, and my mom sewed him a big bike jersey in team colors that he wore to meetings and events and races. When at 17 I crashed and called him from the emergency room he came to get me, and we didn't tell my mom until she returned from out of town. And when I wanted to work during Christmas break he drove me to apply everywhere, and when I couldn't find a job had me write a classified ad and placed it for me, so I got several jobs painting and cleaning house, and rode my bike to them.

But after university I moved far away, and other than a session crawling under a car in a junkyard to select a new used gas tank for my car, most of our exchanges in the next years were about computers. He retired early in a buyout, and kept busy with his computers and town board meetings and fixing up his old airplane. And when he got very very ill I took time off graduate school to tend him at home until he died, far too young, and taking a chunk of my world with him.

So I love the smell of WD-40. Because it brings my father back to me.

Did I Praise Epson? Oops, Too Soon

My beloved ancient Epson EPL-5700i laser printer has been called back into action since the Dell laser bit the dust - but it's been spewing pages out the back onto the desk instead out neatly out the front. And I couldn't remember what controlled this, so I went to the Epson site and lo and behold, an option to ask technical support. (Realize that Epson stopped making laser printers years ago and that this was one of the first printers that used a USB connector, and you'll have some idea how old it is.)

The tech emails me back in a day or two and says that you pull up a little tray in front and lock it into place. Fine, but the paper still goes out the back. I email again, as invited.

Tech now tells me the paper cannot come out the back of this model. I  find the manual online (which I should have done in the first place) and discover the solution, a switch on the side that controls where the paper emerges, and email him back and politely point out the two pictures in the manual that clearly show the slot in the back AND an upright paper tray positioned to catch the paper if you want to have the paper come out the back of the printer instead of the front.

He emails back and says I am wrong: there is no option to exit the printed sheets at the back of the printer and paper path selector means input not output source.

Because I am foolish, I email back and point out once again the photo in the manual with the upright tray catching the paper coming out the BACK OF THE PRINTER and ask if he would like me to send photos of the paper coming out the BACK OF MY PRINTER.  And suggest that if he give it some thought, he would figure out that a switch that controls whether paper comes out face up or face down might just also control WHERE IT COMES OUT.

I know this is fruitless.

But I cannot understand why a technician - who does not have an actual printer in front of him - insists that me, the customer, with a working printer, is wrong, and is apparently hallucinating pages emerging from, er, the back of my printer.

Please please please let it not be because he is male, and I am female. Because I don't encounter this bias with computer techs, who are delighted to find someone they don't have to explain every tiny step to.

And I thought we'd left that crap behind ages ago.

And Now I Have New Shoes

I'm not much of a shoe buyer, and I certainly don't like shopping. Shoes are something you must wear on your feet, and some must be fancier than others. Some need to be grippy so you don't slide on the big rocks down at the river, and some need to be very warm and high enough that snow doesn't trickle down your ankles. And some must have heels and be uncomfortable, but look very smart when you dress up.

But mostly to me, they are just shoes, and I didn't really need any new ones. But I grew up wearing Converse All-Stars and have a pair I use as house shoes (because it's too cold to not wear something, and because some days my foot with the neatly pinned broken bone feels, well, rather strange without some padding around it even a year later, neurology being the unpredictable and moody thing it is).

And then Sierra Trading Post had a big sale, with free shipping, and I found these shoes, not quite Converse, but vaguely fancier, suede, in fact, and phenomenally inexpensive (cheaper than All-Stars).

And now I have a lovely pair of navy Keen Ventura Suede Shoes, which remind me wonderfully of the blue All-Stars I had at age 16. But a slight step up, denoting my status as, well, no longer 16.

And I'm happy.

Wherein I Wander Over to Australia for Some Guest Posts

Posting on others' blogs is surprisingly more work than doing my own posts - partly because it's an unknown audience, but largely because I'm an inveterate editor - if I don't like my post here, I tweak it. Over at other folks' blogs, I can't do that.

Today I'm over at We Love YA, talking about writing, revising, getting agents, and why an Australian-set novel can be vastly appealing to US readers. (YA = young adult fiction.)

A few days ago I visited Hey! Teenager of the Year, where I interviewed myself about how I stumbled across a great young writer, how bluntly I critique manuscripts, and all the things this young writer did right in finding herself with multiple agent offers.

And, because I do love revision, I'm back to tweaking my own novel before it gets sent off to the publisher.