I call her and tell her I'm going to be driving past her town, with my at-least-one-too-many dogs in the car. I tentatively suggest stopping by - this used to be what I always did on this drive, to stop there, to spend the night, and then drive on. If I don't stop, I won't see her until maybe next February, when I visit the area again. No, she says, she can't be around dogs - she's afraid of falling, and she really doesn't want to see people either. So, no, I can't stop by. And so she says goodbye, and the call ends.
In a way it makes sense. I do have too many dogs, and while there's a big fenced yard there, of course they would spend the night inside, and of course a visit would be disruptive to the pattern of her days. It seems reasonable that this would be too inconvenient.
But she is my mother.
And as I drive past the exit for her town - the town where I grew up and where my father died - if I cry, only the dogs know.
And they will never tell.
10 comments:
I'm sorry, Sara. I really am. Made me cry just reading your blog today.
Chocolate and red wine, and thank God for the dogs.
Yep, here's to chocolate (dark, of course), red wine, dogs - and good friends. Thanks, Cat.
It's not enough, but we love you.
It helps, JT, it really does. Thank you.
someone pass the damn tissues. Cat? do you have them?
sniff. sniff.
Sara, I read it, I cried, and then I read it again. As JT said, you are loved.
There are no tissues!! I used them all. Sorry Vodka Mom.
Can't wait to see you next year, Sara. Meeting my 'twin' is big -enormous even. Wait till you see the tee shirt I had made for you!! :-)
I firmly believe 'family' can be defined in many ways - sometimes friends are the best family of all.
Oh, Sara, so not right. That isn't her, you know it can't be. Still. I weep with you. Stop anyway, some times. But call me if you are driving by!! It has been years, and though I have been "one poor correspondent" as the song says, I would love to see you. I still work in OR, live in Loudon, now in a condo.
I'll send my cell number.
Carla
Hey, VM and Sandy (and Cat again) - thanks so much - seems I am finding a new family among my writing friends.
Carla - so good to hear from you - I'll email you.
I cried too when I read this post, but I found I didn't have anything sufficient to say - I can only imagine how you feel.
I'm sorry, and I hope you do know that you have people here who care about you, lots, and hopefully they wouldn't turn away even in their worst moments.
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