Let Me Introduce You to VodkaMom

This is one of my good pals, Vodka Mom (yes, I know her real name, but she's a kindergarten teacher and must remain anonymous). But she has an absolutely wonderful blog. She has students she does a bang-up job of preparing for the world, and a family she loves dearly. And a huge heart. Her posts will either make you laugh or cry. Go visit.

The Constancy of Canines

I call her and tell her I'm going to be driving past her town, with my at-least-one-too-many dogs in the car. I tentatively suggest stopping by - this used to be what I always did on this drive, to stop there, to spend the night, and then drive on. If I don't stop, I won't see her until maybe next February, when I visit the area again. No, she says, she can't be around dogs - she's afraid of falling, and she really doesn't want to see people either. So, no, I can't stop by. And so she says goodbye, and the call ends.

In a way it makes sense. I do have too many dogs, and while there's a big fenced yard there, of course they would spend the night inside, and of course a visit would be disruptive to the pattern of her days. It seems reasonable that this would be too inconvenient.

But she is my mother.

And as I drive past the exit for her town - the town where I grew up and where my father died - if I cry, only the dogs know.

And they will never tell.

Moonrat Says: Why the 1st Page of Your Manuscript is So Important

... because I am up to my tailbone in manuscripts.

Assume whoever is reading your submission is going to be in a terrible mood when they look at page 1.

You just don't have until page 2.

You'll want to read the rest of Moonrat's post, but I think this excerpt sums it up pretty well.

For Those New to or Aspiring to the Publishing World ...

Get over to The New Yorker and read Susan Orlean's "Alphabet Soup." An excerpt:

...Editor C and I had lunch. A few months later, he got a new job at another publishing house. I was assigned to Editor D.

Editor D and I had lunch. It was a pleasant-enough lunch, but Editor D had no actual interest in my book or me; he was just taking it on because Editor/Publisher B, now his boss, had asked him to.

A few months later, Editor/Publisher B was fired....

(So far I've lost my imprint, but not my editor or main publisher, so I'm considering myself quite lucky.)

OK, These Just Get Funnier

My 318,000 word novel may seem like it starts a little slow, but after the first 100 pages or so it really picks up steam, so I hope you will be patient and not be distracted.

... Hey, a SQUIRREL! Cool….Oh, hang on. what were you saying?

For more of these, go here. Note for the uninitiated: 120,000 words is pretty much the max for a novel submission, and shorter is usually better, especially for first-timers. Unless you are Stephen King - then you can do whatever the heck you want.

I Have Been Criticized for Finding These Funny ...

... but I do. Very funny. Because chances are good we've all made some pretty amusing gaffes, these don't seem mean-spirited to me, and if writers don't have a sense of humor about the whole business, they'd better go into another trade.

How agents wish they could respond to query letters:

Hello. I’ve queried more than 50 other agents with this and have gotten nowhere. Now I’m querying you.
.....You had me at hello.

I hope all is well with your business, nowadays. Indeed, books & media are an economic past-time today so I expect you are taking advantage of that angle of the biz.
.....Oh, trust me. We’re taking FULL advantage of that angle of the biz….Wait. What are we talking about?

My novel is a sumptuous feast of meticulously researched historical fact and superbly crafted fiction.
.....Burp.

Why You Should Take This Man's Writing Class

Not because he's won multiple writing awards, or because he's been nominated for a slew of others. Not because people love his books, and eagerly await each new one. Not because he's a damn fine writer.

Because he understands story, and story telling, and plot and rhythm, and the power and nuance of words, and he can explain it to you in a way that makes sense.

And because as he's reading your manuscript he says: You don't have to tell readers every effing thing she eats. (Yes, there are quite a few details about meals in my book.)

And after he finishes, he says about your laborious, every-last-detail-explained ending chapters: I'm surprised you didn't explain nuclear fission while you were at it.

Yes, my agent had gently hinted that my last chapters were a tad too detailed, and I'd trimmed them, but somehow the "nuclear fission" comment brought it home to me in a way my agent's more discreet suggestions had not.

I met Reed Farrel Coleman at Bouchercon, a mystery convention, and he offered to blurb my upcoming novel when I barely knew what a blurb was. And when I told him I was rewriting those last four chapters and one other problematic scene, he worked with me until those chapters told the story they needed to tell - no more, no less - and told it well.

And that's why, if you are a writer of any genre, and want to know how to develop a novel or rework the one you have, you should jump at the chance to sign up for his nine-day class July 6-16 at Hofstra University on Long Island.

Here's the scoop:

W9134-71 WRITING THE NOVEL

Description: Not unlike a well-constructed building, a marketable novel is the product of more than the author's talent and vision. A good novel is as much the result of routine, discipline, and its component parts as anything else. In this class, students learn how to nurture their talent; they attain familiarity with the processes of idea, plot, and character development - the foundation on which a successful novel stands. Through in-class exercises, lessons, reading, and writing, students develop their authorial muscles and gain a sense of competence so when they sit down to write their great American novel, they know how to go about it.

Instructor: Reed Farrel Coleman. Monday through Friday, 9.45am - 2pm, July 6-16. Cost $550. To register, call CCEPA at (516) 463-7200.

Ya Gotta Love Amazon

My novel (not coming out until February) was recently listed for sale on Amazon. It lists Shaye Areheart Books as the publisher, but SAB, an imprint of Crown Publishing, was dissolved a month or so back. So now my book is being published by Crown. I mean, I know this, being the author and all, and I've kind of seen the book and have seen the words "Shaye Areheart Books" replaced by "Crown" on the pages.

So on the Amazon page where it asks you to send updated info, I clicked, and sent them the correct publisher name. I get back this email:

Hello from Amazon.com,
Thank you for using the Catalog Update Form to send suggestions for Learning to Swim: A Novel
ASIN: 0307718387
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
We could not accept the following suggestion(s).
We have researched the following suggestion(s) for this product via all available authoritative sources and concluded that the current data is accurate.
Publisher
Current value: Shaye Areheart Books
Your suggestion: Crown Books
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

There ya have it. All authoritative sources say my book is being published by Shaye Areheart, an imprint that no longer exists.

Yikes, Now We Have "Doped" Bicycles

No kidding - apparently you can slide a tiny motor into the down tube that will turn the pedals when activated by a finger control. Yeah, I can believe some bike racers have been doing this. Those inexplicable, seemingly superhuman sitting-down surges of power that we thought were simply sheer will power and athletic prowess? Acchh. Say it ain't so, Joe.

(Yes, I used to bike race. Eons ago.)

And While I'm Announcing Good News ...

It's official and I'm very happy to announce the sale of LEARNING TO SWIM German rights to DTV. It will appear as a trade paperback. Can't wait to see what the title will be!

OK, My Novel's Officially for Sale

You can pre-order it on Amazon and through Random House.

Here's what Quinn Cummings just posted on the Amazon page:

I had the pleasure of reading a pre-publication draft. It's crackling great fun, the kind of fun where you send your family off to have pizza and maybe see a movie so you can have some quiet reading time. I gave up sleep to finish this book and believe me, my sleep is as dear to me as a child. Sara can write like crazy. 

I'm sort of speechless. I'm fond of this novel (actually at the moment I'm not, but that's because I just proofread the whole thing, and you can only read a book so many times before parts of it seem like complete drivel) but I'm still somewhat astounded when other people seem to love it.

But very, very appreciative.

A Little Less Duct Tape

I’m talking with my pal Christine (aka MH2), who is showing photos on her iPhone, which I’m admiring, and I say something about one day maybe I’ll get a smart phone. Christine, ever diplomatic, says that next year (after my novel comes out, and I'm presumably doing some promotion-related travel) that I’ll need a phone with a little more power, a little more ....

I pull my phone out of my pocket. A little less duct tape? I say.

Yes, my cell phone is held together with duct tape - the back has a tendency to fall off. Someone asked me recently, Don’t you know you can get a new phone for free?

Of course I know, and I also know that there ain’t no such thing as a free cell phone. (Yes, I took Econ 101.) A new cell phone means a new contract, which I don’t want, and I don’t need a new phone. This one works fine, and it does everything I need. And I can get the special $25 a month Verizon plan for those who are often not in cell phone range. Next year, I may need a smart phone, and the additional monthly expense of a data plan will be warranted. Now it’s not.

Because there’s no need to spend money you don’t need to. Because my old phone is just fine for now. And because I just don’t mind a little duct tape holding things together.

Note: I did, however, get new glasses this year, and keep the pair held together with a paper clip only for emergencies.

PLEASE IGNORE VERA DIETZ - But I Can't

I recently wrangled an advance reader's copy of A.S. King's PLEASE IGNORE VERA DIETZ, and had the good sense to not start reading it late at night - her first novel I started quite late and could not put down.

This I had to read in chunks, because it pulled at me in a way I could handle only with a break in between. Yes, it's quite different from her first book, DUST OF 100 DOGS. Here's the first page:

The pastor is saying something about how Charlie was a free spirit. He was and he wasn't. He was free because on the inside he was tied up in knots. He lived hard because inside he was dying. Charlie made inner conflict look delicious.

The pastor is saying something about Charlie's vivacious and intense personality. I picture Charlie inside the white coffin, McDonald's napkin in hand, scribbling, "Tell that guy to kiss my white vivacious ass. He never met me." I picture him crumpling the note and eating it. I picture him lighting it with his Zippo lighter, right there in the box. I see the congregation, teary-eyed, suddenly distracted by the rising smoke seeping through the seams.

Is it okay to hate a dead kid? Even if I loved him once? Even if he was my best friend? Is it okay to hate him for being dead?

Vera Dietz is 17. Her best friend Charlie has just died. We aren't yet sure why or how - and there's more than one mystery unfolding in this book. I think that's all you need to know - other than to get your hands on a copy as soon as you can.

I don't like to compare books to other books - and A.S. King's books are in a category of their own. But this made me think vaguely of every coming-of-age and enduring-loss book that has grabbed me of late: Jay Asher's THIRTEEN REASONS WHY and Alice Sebold's LOVELY BONES and maybe a bit of John Green's LOOKING FOR ALASKA, with smatterings of the yearning and angst and not-fitting-in-ness that made S.E. Hinton's books speak to people. ...But written in a voice like no other.

This is being marketed as YA, but ignore that. This is a book for anyone who was ever 17 or 18 and didn't really fit in anywhere. It's a book for anyone who has loved with all their being and watched the person become someone they can't be with, and has endured the pain of being shut out. It's a book for anyone who's had a parent who had no idea what they were about or who abandoned them or who was never quite there in the first place.

And it's a book for anyone who wants to believe we can pretty much survive whatever life passes to us and that we can all find our place in the world.

PLEASE IGNORE VERA DIETZ releases in October - you can preorder, or you can plead with your local bookstore to stock it and call you as soon as it comes in. Don't miss this one.