Acknowledging that Elephant in the Room

I just read a Sarah Weinman post called "Direct Is The Only Way" that sang to me - I abhor confrontation (remember that Myers-Briggs analyzer) and in the past have cringed suffered agonized in silence. In part, she says:

Empathy is a bitch. Respect is a word I almost never hear used anymore. Anger is a big ball of fire that can be scary. But here’s the thing: if you aren’t direct, you lose out on so much: honest conversation, being true to who you are, being understanding of why others think and act they way they do.

I did figure out some time ago avoiding issues doesn't work well. (Figuring it out and acting on it are two different things, however.)

Yesterday evening I found a Huffington Post article, "What Agents Are Reading," and was delighted to find my novel on the list* (and my pal Amy's PLEASE IGNORE VERA DIETZ!). So I posted it on my Facebook page, with the note "Since I'm on the list ..."

And a friend from high school immediately commented

Self-promoting much?

OK, I was a bit stunned. Three-word comments don't allow a lot of room for nuance, but it's hard not to take this as criticism. I thought about answering back under the comment, but made the quick decision to hit the delete key, and emailed the friend:

Hey, George**, I am assuming you were joking, but the fact is while I've moved most of my promotion to my Facebook author page, I have more followers on my regular page ... and in publishing these days, if you don't promote yourself (especially if you're new), you're dead, and I simply cannot afford not to self promote. While it's not my nature to do so, the ones who don't are often the ones who don't end up getting a new book contract ... I learned a lot about book promotion from my friend Amy King (who just got a bunch of award nominations this week) - if her books don't sell, her kids don't eat.*** It's a great impetus.

(You can debate this until the cows come home, but let's just say that when my novel comes out, if it doesn't sell decently, it's not going to be for want of me trying. A very talented writer with a great agent told me that she thought when her first novel came out she could just sit back and it would sell itself - she learned she was wrong.)

It's a balancing act not to deluge friends with news with a self-promotional edge, but I've found that most of my friends share my delight (and writer friends are especially great about this).

The old me would left the comment in place, or would have deleted it and never contacted the commenter. But Sarah is right. Direct is the only way. Maybe not the easiest way - and maybe I have a lot to learn about the most graceful way to handle these things - but it's the best way.

*And yes, the agent whose list I am on is a personal friend, but I wouldn't be there if the agent didn't love the book, and I had no idea I'd be mentioned until I saw the article - so there.
**Not his real name, so no, it wasn't George Holz the photographer who I went to high school with.
***This is a small exaggeration I am calling"literary license" - because of course Mr. and Mrs. King's children will never go hungry - but Amy refers to pirates who steal e-books as taking food from her kids' mouths, so I went with it.
Note: I also promote for other people - I linked to Amy's book, Sarah's blog, Karen's article, and even George Holz's site. Despite the fact that at our 20-year high school reunion he had no memory of me. Apparently I was mostly invisible in high school.